I’m meeting the Persian-German girl this week so this post will serve as a reference point of what my mindsets will be for the date and how I want to structure it. You wouldn’t (and shouldn’t) go into a cold approach without a plan of action, so the same holds true for a date. A plan of action helps me focus on what I want to do and gives me a structure so I can relax more. Out of structure comes freedom.
- She’s already attracted to me: She’s responding to my text messages very quickly and was keen when I asked her out. She had an exam that week, so we agreed to arrange a date another time. A couple of days after that, she actually date-requested me. That’s a big green light and means she already fancies me (probably a lot). She’s actively cooperating in the seduction. Attraction is done. So what does that mean for me? I will refrain from slipping back into gamey attraction. Doing attraction at this stage of the interaction is actually a turn-off for the girl, because it sub-communicates a lack of entitlement for the girl. Only someone who doesn’t believe he’s attractive enough for the girl would resort back to gamey attraction at this point. So what should I do instead? The opposite, which is rapport and authenticity. Rapport is powerful because it shows you are confident in showing your real self (this line is from Daygame Mastery). So in short: She’s already attracted to me, so now is the time to “be real” with her. Some practical tips on that later.
- Assume familiarity: this just means being chilled around her and behaving like I’ve known her for a long time. This also links to the previous point. She’s coming out because she likes me and wants to spend time with me, so I don’t really have to do much (e.g. there’s no need to come up with clever things to say all the time) and there’s nothing to worry about. And if I feel relaxed, then she will match my vibe and feel relaxed as well. But obviously, I will ocasionally spike it up to fractionate and to convey intent. So off, then on, then off again. Also: I’m meeting her because I found her attractive and want to get to know her better, not to entertain or impress her. The only thing I bring to the date is me. I’m good enough as I am.
- Reward good behaviour: until now, she’s made everything very easy for me. She’s complying and exhibiting good behaviour, so there really is not need to use game.
- Have fun: dating shouldn’t be a chore, but a mutually enjoyable experience. I’m not going on this date to have sex with her as fast as possible, but to actually enjoy the experience and get to know her as a person. So for this date, I will only escalate until the kiss but not any further. If I can’t enjoy spending two separate evenings with her, then she’s clearly not the right girl for me anyway.
Venue Zero – the meeting place
- lead with a positive vibe, give her a smile and a European-style kiss on each cheek, maybe give a mild physical compliment like “mmm, you look nice”
- act like a normal person to put at ease and make some light and pleasant small talk of the how-are-you?-it’s-a-nice-day variety
- start walking her to the first venue
Venue One – the coffee shop
- lean back in my seat and let my body language be relaxed, open and taking up space
- talk quite slowly and put all my movements on slow motion (imagining myself as lazy lion that does what he wants and won’t be rushed)
-> the big thing to avoid is coming across as the overeager chode. The frame should be that I enjoy my time with her, but I’m not dependent on it
- stick to simple chit-chat at first and then look for jumping-off points into more colourful and engaging conversation topics
- encourage her to open up by asking open-ended or implied questions (girls love to talk about themselves, see some good questions below)
- if she is exhibiting good behaviour, then reward her with attention-bestowing body language
If I sense that it’s on, I can also start to slowly build up the verbal/physical escalation (see below).
Venue Two – the bar
- if I haven’t already, start the questions game: just say “How about we play a little game. We ask eachother questions in turn, about anything we want to know. And you have to give a truthful answer or not answer at all. And also no boring questions allowed. Ok?”
-> the questions game is all about rapport, vulnerability/authenticity and escalation. The questions are supposed to get progressively more personal and sexual.
- ramp up the verbal and physical escalation
Good general questions or for the questions game:
- What is your fondest childhood memory?
- How would you describe yourself in three words?
- Tell me something embarrassing that happened to you.
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What’s one of the craziest things that you ever did.
- How is your relationship to your parents?
- Do you feel more like a German or a Persian?
- What did you think when I started talking to you and e.g. asked for your number? Were you surprised?
- What did you think of me when we first met?
- How do you normally meet guys? (I can segue into a monologue of how I don’t use tinder and believe that a man has to have the courage to talk to girls he finds attractive and take risks to go for what he wants etc.)
- How old were you when you first kissed a boy?
- What do you like in a man?
Physical escalation techniques:
- take her hands, look at her rings (ask her what they are about)
- compare hand sizes (excuse of playing instruments)
- compare tans (“you’re quite pale from a Persian girl, no?”)
- just touching her forearm/shoulders to emphasize a point (don’t look at it while doing it)
- if she goes to the gym, touching her upper arms/biceps to examine it
- compliment her about her hair (tell her you like how smooth/thick her hair is, touch her back while asking her how long she had it)
- let her smell your parfum and let her guess it between two brands (“is it calvin klein or hugo boss?”), then smell her’s and use that opportunity to give her a small kiss on the cheek
- asking her to sit closer (e.g. because you can’t hear her properly)
Verbal escalation techniques:
Verbal escalation simple means telling her you find her attractive and giving her different reasons for that. For example:
- compliment her character or passions: if she does something that you respect her for, then can genuinely compliment her on that. Otherwise communicate with your core and discover what it is you like about her, e.g. her positive/warm and feminine vibe. Then feed that back to her and add “… and I find that attractive.”
-> after you’ve complimented the girl on her character, she’ll be more willing to share more of herself
- compliment her style and grace: choose something about her fashion, her grooming or her mannerisms that is feminine then feed it back to her
- compliment her body and sexuality: give her a direct statement of sexual interest. E.g. “I love your eyes. They are very sexy.” or “You have very nice legs. Sexy”
- qualify her (tell her what you like in women, or just feed back what she’s like as things you like to qualify her on that)