Approaches: 349 out of 700
I recently went out with a girl I met through daygame (the 5th girl from this post). Several times I had written her off because her replies were tardy and non-investing, so when she agreed to go for a drink one evening, I went to meet her feeling like it would probably be a waste of time.
When I saw her at my subway station, I was genuinely surprised at how hot she looked. She could have been one of those girls you see in a fashion brand commercial.
We went to the student bar, grabbed a beer and sat at one of the tables. Unlike her texting persona, she was very open and communicative, and she had quite a quirky personality really.
The whole thing threw me off. I had expected a luke-warm maybe girl that wanted to play the game and instead got a beautiful seemingly yes girl.
Now this is where I fucked up. I couldn’t believe that a girl of her quality (not only looks, but personality) was interested in me just like that, so I unneccesarily kept up the player vibe by spiking too much and bringing on too much of the aloof douchebag game. It got into the realms of over-gaming.
After the date, I felt a bit like a failure. Nowadays getting rejected through an approach doesn’t much faze me at all, but “failing” a promising date still hurts. This year I’ve really come to understand what people mean when they say that “emotional control is the most important part of game”.
Tom Torero has some good points about this topic on his podcast “Failure Stories Part 2”. Even the best players will miss penalty shots. Failures are a necessary part of growing beyond one’s comfort zone. It’s all about how you deal with failure. If you let it get to you or if you brush it off, pick yourself up and carry on. That’s what’s separates the people who drop out from the ones who get good.
The best thing I can do now is learn from my failures and do it better in the future. The things I want to keep in mind from now on are:
- If she’s compliant then just drop the game and be authentic. If she’s open for rapport, don’t backslide into unnecessary attraction.
- Beauty doesn’t correlate with how much game you have to bring on. Treat her like you would have treated any other girl. You don’t need swirly twirly game just because she’s exceptionally hot.
- Don’t overpull. Take your time and enjoy the process.