In a particularly ego-crushing way, that I don’t want to recall in this blog post, I lost a perfectly good Yes-girl (that I met through daygame) through sheer hubris and stupidity last Friday. Instead of whining around and blaming the girl, I move on with my life and assume responsibility for the things (I think) I fucked up, so to not repeat them again in the future.
I identified 3 things that I want to change:
- Cut down on alcohol: My problem with alcohol is that I have very poor judgement when I had too much of it. Next time I find myself in a similar scenario, I want to show self-control. Some drinking in a social situation is fun and ok, but it should be balanced out. Being drunk is not good game. And when I’m getting drunk, I also have the tendency to get quite agressive and asshole-y, and that’s always pissing people off. So the solution to this should be simple: know your limit and show some self-control.
- Be less of an asshole: as an aspiring daygamer, I think it’s absolutely essential to stop caring what others think in order to be successful. For me, the essence of the player’s journey is that drive to not settle for mediocrity, to strive for change in one’s life and to say “fuck you” to the people/society that try to drag you down into their comfortable rut. This mindset is crucial for opening girls, surpressing the spotlight effect, holding the frame in the beginning of the interaction and so on. The problem for me is that I swing the pendulum too far to the asshole/not-caring side sometimes, to the point where I can be inconsiderate and off-putting to girls. It never happens during daygame sets, but with some girls when we’ve gotten to know eachother on a more personal level. I think it may come from reading too much Heartiste in the past, and still having the mindset that I have to be a bit of a jerk to get girls (and that I shall never be nice to them), or maybe that is just some part of me which has been there before, and that I have to root out. It doesn’t mean that I’ll begin loosening up my frame and start being wishy-washy with girls, but rather that I want to keep more attention on walking that tightrope between push and pull, between badass and buddha (as Tom would say it). I have to remind myself that just because I’m invested in the player lifestyle doesn’t mean that I can’t be normal and just “a nice guy” sometimes. That I don’t always have to be button-pushing.
And the last point, that is kind of related to the two above:
- Stop remaining in attraction: this is a sticking point of mine. Especially when I’m drunk, I completely overdo the attraction stuff to the point that the girl is put off by it. Attraction lies in the push, but too much attraction pushes the girl away. I need to stop all the teases, all the playing games at one point and just be real. I need to learn to restrain myself and switch gears from attraction to comfort, from being “the jerk” to being normal. I’m coming up with that rationalization that I don’t care what people think of me and that I’m that player/jerk that gets girls anyway, when in reality it’s just horrible game and obnoxious if it’s too much (a bit is fine). Again, I need to concentrate on walking that fine tightrope between push and pull, between jerk and nice guy. In the end, what I have to remember is that attraction is vapour (in MM, Mystery even says that “attraction is only a tool”. The real game is played in comfort.