March 2016

Taking right action (24. March 2016)

In letzter Zeit habe ich zu viel Theorie und zu wenig Praxis gemacht, im Grund geht das Ganze zurück auf avoidance. Ich gucke im Moment Blueprint Decoded, und 2 Sachen über die darin Tyler spricht, sind besonders bei mir hängen geblieben. Erstens dass wir in einer Gesellschaft leben, in welcher schlechte Gefühle eine plausible Ausrede darstellen etwas nicht zu tun. „Ich habe zu viel Angst, es macht keinen Spaß“. Wenn man eine echte Veränderung erreichen will, dann muss man auch bereit sein, die entsprechende Arbeit reinzustecken, egal ob es sich nicht gut anfühlt. Angst ist erlaubt, man muss sie aber bezwingen.

-> right action is a muscle: “this is what’s required to be done, and I’m going to do it regardless of emotions”, you feel the emotion in your body, but you move forward anyway

Die zweite Sache ist, dass man für Erfolg mit Frauen auch wiederholt Demütigungen in Kauf nehmen muss. Man muss bereit sein sich zu blamieren. Wenn man ein Ziel erreichen will, läuft es nie glatt. Es wird immer messy sein und das ist ok.

-> These days, there are no consequences in changing your behaviours, except of coming across as uncalibrated/stupid at first and the threat of humiliation. If you’re afraid of that, than the range of your personality will never expand. A big part of success with women isenduring humiliation repeatedly

Bevor ich am 02.April nach Moskau fliege um das russische Mädchen zu besuchen, setze ich mir das Ziel meinen Approach Count von im Moment ca. 25 auf 75 hochzubekommen.

 

Blueprint Decoded (18. March 2016)

DVD 1:

  • being successful with women is not something you do, it’s something you are

-> being, not doing

  • RSD Foundations/Transformations
  • you still have to go out, approach a lot and be social
  • from social conditioning and ego -> to authenticity and self-esteem
  • most people in the world walk through life in a walking daze

-> they don’t know what their values are, they have no concept of who they are, they don’t know what they want out of life

  • lover/provider dichotomy: a girl has a dual mating strategy, in which she looks for one man to provide and one man to get the best genes from

-> it’s easier to go from the lover/sex side to the provider/dating side than the other way around

-> money doesn’t help you with girls, because it puts you in the provider box

  • looks doesn’t help you with girls; if you are more charismatic and have better game, than you will prevail

-> social conditioning: guys look for evidence to support their conditioned beliefs that money/looks will help them

  • chode: no sense of own values, no sense of his own identity/nature, cares what other people think of him, thinks he has to do what society tells him in order to meet girls

-> puts girls on a pedestal, supplicates

 

DVD 2:

  • the romantic approach (e.g. bringing flowers to the date) or believing that commonalities are the source of attraction are examples of social conditioning
  • people are being conditioned through TV, movies, magazines, music (pop songs), parents, school, friends
  • the natural tendency is to let society dictate our beliefs and to look at other people to see how to live, because society seems to be right about most things

-> although there have been enough examples of people having wrong beliefs on a mass level

  • it’s easy for ideas, no matter how stupid they are, to spread fast, if a lot of people are certain of it; people look what other people are doing (social learning)

-> you have to look at things for yourself, think about it for yourself and act by yourself, instead of looking at other people to tell you what they think is right

 

  • women want their men to stand out, you (and your approach) have to be the exception to the rule
  • attraction: don’t look for society to tell you what causes attraction, not even what game sources tell you; instead, you have to go out, meet women and figure out for yourself what you think causes attraction!

———–

  • the cause of attraction is value
  • value: anything that helps you survive, helps you to have more kids, has characteristics that those kids will survive; beyond that anything that gives you good emotions

-> value are things that indicate survival & replication

  • what qualities did a woman look for in a man in ancient times?

-> decisiveness (important!, a woman wants a man who makes decisions), dominance, fearlessness, resourcefulness, a man who dictates reality and has not reality dictated to him etc, these are the important qualities for the woman’s mating partner

-> thus you have to show your value in the approach, by being confident, decisive and with a beaming smile (fearless) 

 

DVD 3:

  • when assessing their mating partners, men look for visual cues, women look for behavioral cues

-> women are looking at your subcommunication, they are good at reading subtle social cues

-> eye contact, vocal tonality, body language, your sense of individuality, humour and playfulness, comfort in your environment, indifference in what people think of you andoutcome-independence (abundance mentality), your personal boundaries, your control over your emotions and sense of own reality, your confidence to say what’s on your mind and to stand out, your self-directedness (Selbstbestimmung), conviction and grasp of your own standards, sense of entitlement and willingness to go for what you wanttypes of things you say and the emotion behind those things

-> the subcommunication is what matters to the woman, not the actually spoken words

-> don’t go logical and think about what to say

———

  • the things that society tells are important (like a nice car, house, a good job etc.) cannot inspire that kind of behavior, characteristics and individuality to be really successful with women
  • living up to other people’s standards can give you a temporary fix of confidence, but not a real sense of value or self-esteem
  • if you believe in society’s value system, than no matter how successful you become as a man, the young and hot girl will always have more value
  • people are always pinging everyone else (e.g. do I look cool? Am I popular?) and looking to the outside world for their values and self-esteem, they in some way live in fear

-> you have to act out of your own intentions

-> every man who is good with women on some level understands these concepts of social conditioning

  • spectator society: people want to read/watch other people going on adventures, instead of doing it themselves, because it’s easier and safer

-> live a life of your own design, regardless of what other people think of it

  • if you see a cute girl, it’s a no-lose situation if you go and talk to her; what is the thing thats holding you back then?
  • when you see a girl that you like, your mind is comparing your value relative to hers

-> if you try and live by other people’s standards, and let other people dictate your identity and what you value out of life, you will always come up short / it’s social conditioning, that makes you think that maybe you need more money, better looks or look like the guy on tv

-> but if you come from a place of abundance, and have your own standards and values, and then speak to a beautiful girl, then she will try and live up to your standards. Because sure she has a pretty face, but what else does she have going for her? You sincerely believe that she has to be more than beautiful

-> comes across in the subcommunication, it is much more attractive for her to try and live up to your standards and win your validation than the other way around

-> if you speak to a girl, there’s always a subtle vibe going on of who is reacting to who more. The more firm you are in your own identity of who you are and stronger you are in what you value, the more you are going to be the more attractive individual in the interaction

-> most guys thought process of how to talk to girls is wrong from the beginning, they try to react and live up to her „higher“ values/standards („saying things she wants to hear“) and try to get her to dictate their identity to them („am I being cool?“), looking for self-esteem

-> in most conversations, the one person is trying to live up to the standards of the person with the „higher“ value

 

DVD 4:

  • living in reaction: not knowing who you are, what you value, what you’re grateful and appreciative for, how your emotions work, what you really want out of life, why certain influences are positive or corrupting
  • the sub-communication is what’s attracting women: so you have to ask yourself what’s the best way of living your life, how are my decisions in life effecting my subcommunication („e.g. letting people walk over you, purchasing stuff to impress people“ ->living in reaction)

-> don’t compromise yourself and your values, because it will come through in your subcommunication

-> the self is always coming through, which means eventually, you don’t have to keep doing „stuff“

  • unless you’re capable of walking up to any woman with complete confidence and being out-going (offering value, being expressive and unstifled), without even thinking about it, there’s work to be done

  • people tend to look for the quick fix, they don’t want to put in the hard work and deep level change. The truth is that there isn’t a magic pill
  • rationalization: everyone has a concept of who they are (thinking they have integrity, honesty, depth etc.); on the other side, there can be tension between our perceived values and what would benefit us (selfishly, our biological drives)

-> the tension is resolved by backwards-rationalization, inventing logical reasons for our emotional decisions after the fact

  • value comes first: if you’re high-value and a dick with a little bit of niceness, than the girl will backwards-rationalize and deem you nice

-> value is the prerequisite; if you have value, the girl will be intrigued by you, without the value, there’s no connection

  • time and energy is limited; thus our emotions guide us to the kind of social relationships that benefit us the most
  • the longevity of a relationship will be dictated by the value that people get out of it
  • reticular activating system (RAS): mechanism, by which people focus and zone in on things that have value

->if you have value, people will only focus on the „good things“ about you

-> guys who are good with girls know how to pull the RAS onto themselves

-> if a girl manages to immediately pull your RAS onto herself, than she know that (1) she has value in your eyes and (2) you probably don’t date girls of her quality, thus she’s higher value than you

-> you have to be unreactive, which means just behaving as you would with all people (not exaggerating the unreactiveness); e.g. a girl taps your arm to get your attention, you face her briefly and say „hold up“, continue the conversation you were having, than give her your attention

-> if you can be normal (behaving the same way you would with anyone else) with an attractive women, it will cause attraction in your direction

  • -> eventually, you will learn how to make girls „fight“ for you RAS and how they try to get you to react to them
  • even though you will eventually recognize and understand the subtle social mechanisms going on, you should chill and not think that people try to screw you over

-> assume the best of people, that people are good-natured and positive; but be aware of what’s going on

  • the most liberating mindset: accept that the world owes you nothing and that in the long run you will get no more and no less than what you deserve
  • how to know if you have value: is your magnet strong or weak? If you have value, people will listen to what you say and try to impress you in conversation
  • don’t look for other people for stimulation, bring your own party
  • anchor of the conversation: everyone is trying to get the approval of the person in a conversation, he’s dictating the reality there
  • situational value: social value can come as a result of a specific situation

-> situational confidence: if a person can anticipate value in a specfic environment, he will act more confident than he would elsewhere

-> when you know that you have value, you tend to be outside your head (in the moment); when you don’t think you have value, you tend to be inside your head (mirco-managing)

-> outside your head: enjoying yourself, acting in the moment, letting your real personality come out, saying what’s on your mind, being uneffected by how other people react, being detached from the outcome of a particular interaction, taking things as they come, being fully present to what’s going on around you, assuming and expecting that everyone is your friend

-> inside your head: not enjoying the moment for what it is, thinking: how can I make this moment better?, how can I get more status, liked, accepted, validation?, trying to change your personality specifically to make people like you, feeling flustered by all the social things you think you need to be doing, being emotinally effected by other people’s  reactions, feeling a particular interaction has to work or you might not get another chance, trying to think a step ahead and analyse how people will respond to you, being too stuck in your mind to keep attention to what’s going on around you, feeling like you’re being judged

  • best way to make people like you: express your personality freely and let the chips fall where they may

-> implies that you’re cool with who you are, and you probably have the value to back it up; by trying less, and expressing yourself freely, you’re communicating more value (than when you actively try to communicate value)

  • most guys go into their head before talking to their girl and try to impress; but when you just chill, stay outside your head (even though you might not say something as „intelligent“, almost even nonsense) and enjoy the moment and don’t feel the need to impress (aka going into your head), it’s like a magnet

-> the qualities that you’re subcommunicating if you just vibe and let the words come out without trying to seek a reaction (by trying to impress) are much more powerful, it means that you probably have the value to back it up

 

DVD 5:

  • reactiveness: in any social interaction, one person is always reacting more to the other person than the other way around
  • reacting to someone, symptoms: your natural personality is being effected, the way that you feel about something is tied up to the response of the other person, the focus is directed to the other person, you feel a heightened emotional response based on physical contact, you are analysing/worrying how you are taking up the other person’s space and time

-> if you behave in such ways, you are handing your power away; nobody wants to hang out with people who give their power away

  • attraction: whoever has the most people reacting to their approval and is reacting the least in return, will tend to have the most attraction
  • core confidence (not situational): finding confidence within oneself, from the values you are offering as a human being, core values

-> for example a person who is having fun, has a good vibe, who expresses himself freely

-> if you believe that your personality alone is enough, and you give yourself permission to act in the way that you know is attractive

——————

  • that good feeling of being you is something you should self-generate, and especially not having to rely on a girl or girlfriend to create it (to fill in the gap in self-esteem)
  • it is a common sticking point for guys to be getting into a good interaction with a girl, than sometime soon become outcome-dependent because of heightened emotions they feel towards the girl

-> just remember that you don’t really know how the girl is like yet, so just enjoy the moment without being attached to the outcome

  • to be really good with girls, you have to have that good feeling of love within yourself; good feeling about the world and your place in it, that the world is a beautiful place and your home

->you become independently happy and internally validated and amused („the girl feels what you feel“)

  • don’t give a fuck about what anybody thinks of you

 

DVD 6:

  • identity: your concept of who you are

-> you are always processing the world through your identity

-> what’s stopping you from becoming the kind of man you wish to be is your perceived identity, who you think you are

  • so much of your identity is arbitrary, you did not come up as who you are right now by yourself; it comes from social feedback/learning, the feedback you get while interacting with other people, a lot of your personality traits have developed in reaction

-> your personality is changeable, you can dress how you want, you can do what you want, it’s your choice

  • in your identity, in your concept of you who are, you have a concept of what you deserve (with women)

-> if you think you’re on the same level, building attraction is easy

  • if you want to have enormous success with women, you have to be very centered in your own sense of identity (core sense of who you are) and not engaging in that very subtle type of supplication (giving your power away)
  • there’s social pressure by other people because of their concept of who you should be, trying to impose their concepts of you (it fucks with their frame if you become a different person)
  • imprints: concept of how a cool person and a not cool person looks like

-> your situation is always changing, and as it does, your mind is always looking at social feedback to determine how much value you have, figuring out which personality is most appropriate at a time

-> your mind is letting you have different types of personalities in different situations

-> why is your mind only letting you access the kind of personality you think other people would like? in ancient times, there has been a threat if you got too much out of line. Your mind has evolved an emotional system that gives you encouragement to access the confident part of your personality whenever you think you have value, and it gives you discouragement from accessing it when you don’t.

-> These days, there are no consequences in changing your behaviours, except of coming across as uncalibrated/stupid at first and the threat of humiliation

-> if you’re afraid of that, than the range of your personality will never expand. A big part of success with women is enduring humiliation repeatedly

 

DVD 7:

  • state: the emotional system which looks at the situation to see whether or not you have value and gives you access to those parts of your personality that works best
  • in state, symptoms: a feeling of being complete, a surge of positivity and steadiness and dominance, a sort of naturalness where everything clicks, a feeling that you are the source of good emotions in the environment
  • out of state, symptoms: a feeling of being incomplete, you view other people as a source of good emotions (scarcity mindset), it’s a mindset where other people have the value and you are worried that you might bother them

-> state subcommunicates value; if you are in state and thus have a mindset of abundance, than the interaction with you comes across as authentic, which people crave

  • the problem: if you know that state matter, you are going to resist it

-> you have to have a personal boundry: I will never monitor if I’m in state, I will just go through my life

  • resistance: the emotion when you wish the reality that’s in front of you is in some different way

-> for example if you constantly wish that you get into state, it creates the emotion of resistance; so you should never resist the now, rather total acceptance of what’s immediately in front of you

-> on the other hand, you should take right action to change reality, but you should never resist the reality that’s in front of you, don’t dwell on it

  • sometimes, you have to force that snap that puts you into state; for example if you’re too much in your head, you just do those first approaches nevertheless

-> you have to jump into the cold water

  • we live in a society, where the idea that bad emotions are a valid excuse not to act is plausible to most people

-> „I’m too scared,  it’s not fun, it doesn’t feel good“ is considered a reason not to do something, anxiety as a comfort blanket approved by society

-> people don’t want to put in the amount of work that is necessary

-> right action is a muscle: „this is what’s required to be done, and I’m going to do it regardless of emotions“, you feel the emotion in your body, but you move forward anyway

-> if you want to reach a goal, it’s not going to be smooth sailing; it will always going to be messy with setbacks

  • 2 qualities you want to cultivate: right action and non-resistance

-> when you’re not in state, don’t create resistance to it, take right action anyway

  • identity/entitlement criterion: what does your mind need to view yourself as a worthwhile guy?

-> where your mind looks to reference how much value you have, in other words the rules that you have to decide whether or not you’re allowed to go into state

  • (1) superficial social standards: e.g. for most people what they are wearing (conditioned by society), some people use clothing even like a protection shelter

-> you should never rely/be dependent on your clothing, try going out dressed not as nice as you would normally dress and see what happens

 

DVD 8:

  • (2) alliances: try going out alone sometimes and letting the confidence come from within, and not needing your friends to be there
  • (3) competency: it’s not so much the opener that matters, you could open with:“Hello, I’m …“, it’s how much you believe that women can like you just for you

-> people believe that different things puts them into state, like clothes, friends, the magic pick-up line

  • play your own game: don’t think you can’t match up to the social energy or the value somebody else is offering
  • (4) role-plays: competitive guys try to get eachother out of state sometimes (chode eachother out), for example you’re talking to the girl, and the other guy tries to talk, and you pretend like you can’t hear it (like he has not enough value to enter into your RAS). The girl sees the subcommunication that you’re not reacting to him and it lowers his value
  • pay attention that in certain roles, your state goes up or down. Allow yourself to become familiar with it, and still be in state even if you’re not in the role you like the most
  • core value (an identity criterion):

-> first layer of core confidence is the flipping of cause-and-effect; because you’re confident, you own what you’re wearing, you easily make alliances, you speak authentically, people want you to be in authority (role-plays); you don’t chase those circumstances (clothes, alliances…) that puts you in state/confidence, you don’t react to trends, you create them

-> most people need other people to react to them before they can feel confident, they don’t realise the cause-and-effect that when you’re confident people will react to you

-> core confidence comes from an unshakeable conviction of who you are and what you’re entitled to, it’s the confidence that allows you to take on a charismatic attitude that gets people reacting to you regardless of the situation you’re in; you identify yourself as an individual that can’t be categorized, you know what you’ve been through in life and trust yourself to get by in any situation no matter what, you value your opinion of yourself more highly than the opinion of others, you determine your own value by a criterion that is your own, you know that your acceptance in any situation is never a threat to your overall well-being, you know what your best qualities are, and even if people don’t see or acknowledge them, you know very well that they exist (you don’t need other people to validate that your best qualities exist),  you know that you offer real value to people and if they don’t see it, it’s their issue, not yours

———-

  • your sense of reality is what allows you to make predictions about the world, it’s all the cause-and-effect relationships that you’ve learned over the course of your life (your view of how the world works, how people are like and how they should respond to you, your view of what you deserve out of life)

-> whoever has the more dominant sense of reality tends to impose this reality onto the people around them, whoever has the strongest reality wins

-> whoever has the strongest belief about who they are (where you stand on the totem pole) and how people should treat them, will suck people into that reality and people will begin to interact with them through that context

-> you’re not looking to other people how things work, you decide on your own

  • typcial reality of a guy who’s good with girls: I have no shortage of options, I’m chatting to you because I’m having fun, girls are silly, adorable, fun to be around, I’m totally fulfilled, I have everything that I need, you seem cool and if you turn out different from the other girls, we might hang out, when I want something I take it but for now I’m having fun

 

DVD 9:

  • be aware of the dynamic: who is screening, and who is trying to impress (can be very subtle, like who’s going more into their head and exerting more effort)
  • who’s emotionally effected by the other person’s acceptance and who would feel no change
  • who’s losing their concept of what’s cool and who feels no change (don’t try to fit to the other person, qualify)

-> who is changing the way that they normally talk to keep up, and who is setting the tone of the conversation

-> the epicentre of a party are the people who are having their own fun, not inconsiderate, but not overly worried about other people having fun

  • by not allowing your own behaviours and emotions to be thrown off by the other person’s reality, you are being the most unreactive (aka acting on your terms, through your own intentions)
  • you stay positiv, you stay upbeat and you stay being you, and you draw the girl into that good reality and state that you’re in
  • plowing: if you’re talking to a girl and she’s not responding properly, you hold your frame of reality/state, you don’t let her effect you (you’re not reacting to these negative outside influences)

-> what you are communicating by being unreactive: not only do I not put up with negativity, I don’t even realize that negativity exists because I have never seen it –> this is too far outside my reality to be treated negatively

-> the way the other person acts is retarted, because nobody acts like that

  • who is changing the way they act to get value from the other person, and who is being more themselves
  • be aware of the common misconceptions: unreactiveness is a meta-level concept, it doesn’t mean your behaviour has to be all around unreactive (e.g. stone-faced); having a dominant reality doesn’t mean you have to try to impose it onto people, rather you have to be firm in your own sense of reality, and that will naturally lead to sucking other people into it

———

  • trust in your faculties: most people are not able to look at reality for what it is, they need to look at others for guidance

-> most people need to be told what to do, they shelter themselves by interpreting the world through the eyes of others, they don’t have the trust in their own eyes

-> this distinguishes the attractive and unattractive guy: if you trust your own judgement, than no matter what kind of test a woman throws at you, you don’t react. She sees it in your eyes that you don’t go inside your head („is what she said true etc.“), rather you’re amused

-> the girl doesn’t care about the actual perceived superficial shortcomings of you, rather she wants to know how you’re effected by what she’s seeing and saying („you’re too short“); does it effect him, bother him, cause him to react?

-> when a girl is testing you, she thinks you might be attractive and wants to know how you handle her shit tests (aka chance to show your value tests)

  • if you react too strongly to criticism by others, you are giving your power away, you are giving the other people status by showing that they are in your RAS
  • common behaviours if you don’t value your own faculties highly enough to take your own opinion of yourself over somebody elses: justifying, qualifying yourself, trying to think of what you’ll say to make somebody like you, worrying about their opinions, feeling emotional whether or not they hang out with you, valueing other people’s opinion more highly than your own

-> you have to see the world through your own eyes, you trust your own opinion of yourself: the girl teases you, other people tease you, it bounces off you

  • whoever has the most unwavering certainty and least emotional reaction to conflicting views will tend to have the dominant reality

-> most people’s reality tend to be uncertain

  • any shortcomings that you feel you have, whether it’s a big deal or not, is entirely up to you
  • dates: anywhere where you can invite the girl into your reality/world and let her see it, without putting any pressure on her, to have to feel uncomfortable, is adding attraction; but having that steady physical escalation at the same time
  • the strength of your reality is like a muscle that grows every year if you live in the right way, pillars of a strong reality:

-> (1) your sense of identity: what you deserve out of life

-> (2) your values: such as your tastes and opinions (not being intimidated by superficial values)

-> (3) personal boundries: because if you don’t have boundries, than she can’t trust you (she can’t surrender into her feminine essence); as an experiment, set arbitrary boundries in which you tell a girl off (for not being respectful, valuing your time); generally listen to your calibration when to set boundries and when to let it slide

 

DVD 10:

-> (4) how you expect people to act around you: if a girl acts obnoxious, you can imitate it back to her in a silly way; if a girl is not acting in a way you want, you can just tell her „Hey, just be cool. It’s ok“

-> whatever price tag you put on yourself is your price. If you take a girl out, and you don’t expect her to offer mutual value in return, she’s not going to. Set the standards. You expect girls to offer value, otherwise you pay less and less attention.

  • the strength of you reality: you’re the oak tree, she’s the squirrel
  • as a man, you always want to lean into your fears a little bit. Pushing your capabilites. That’s required to make your reality stronger every year

-> most guys run away from the very situations that would get them closer to the core of who they are

  • you have to learn how to laugh at yourself and let go of any grandiose images you have of yourself, because aa can come from fear of challenging that reality
  • let go of trying to control what people think of you, caring what people think of you
  • any time something diffcult happens to you, ask yourself: what is the lesson contained in the experience?
  • the more your reality gets broken down, the more your reality gets stronger as time goes on

-> you stop self-seeking in other people’s reactions to you

  • coming into your power (as a man): you have made the distinctions about the world to feel at home at your world

-> external distinctions: you know how to survive in your environment, you knwo how to get by

-> internal distinctions: being able to walk into situations, rooted in yourself, and allow it to unfold and to merge into that situation (being dynamic, versatile); knowing what thoughts you allow or not allow into your head

  • masculine polarity: your grounding amidst the emotional chaos, it’s the magnet that draws women towards you in the form of your deepest self-esteem, a total trust in your faculties and your ability to determine reality

-> acting only through your own intentions (you’re doing what you want to do; i see and i take, almost like an incorrigible kid); being entirely uncontrollable and above manipulation, dictating reality around you rather than being effected by it, being in the moment and walking through the world in ease, having absolutely no intimidation of the girl or the world, tapping into your energy inside you (and not around you) as the source of your mood, feeling no spikes or lows from any girl’s response to you (does not effect your sense of who you are)

 

DVD 11:

  • girls tend to have a strong and a weak sense of reality: for a chode talking to them, they know very well who they are. But at the same time, that reality can also crumble very quickly

-> when you’re speaking to an attractive woman, it can seem like she’s really strong in her own reality at first. But as time goes on, you realise that most people who haven’t studied self-actualization, being centered etc., are not that centered. Because they don’t have a concious understanding of what’s going on

  • polarity: draw of attention towards you, attracting force

-> a girl can only surrender to her feminine side, if the guy has strength to him and is at ease with the world

  • when a girl is doing a congruence test, (1) she wants to feel the strength of your reality and (2) she wants to see that you’re capable of ascertain yourself as a man

-> obvious ones: prodding you to justify yourself, say obnoxious things to make you jealous or insecure, calling you out on your worst features to see if you’re insecure about them, trying to qualify you so she’s in the selector role, accusing you of things

-> man: action, girl: reaction

  • acting through your own intentions: peeling back the layers of programming, of other people’s nonsense they put into your head, own what you do
  • be authentic
  • feminine polarity: dressing and walking in a way that gets attention (swaying her hips), being enraptured in the environment, enjoying whatever she’s doing and not scanning the room for people (you should do the same thing as a man)
  • girls want to be where the value is (the warm end of the pool), she’s following her emotions
  • most girls have it in their „program“ not to reinitiate, because it’s creating that polarity: that she’s the prize. Girls will pass up on great opportunities because their unconcious mind has learned the behaviour: be the prize.
  • girls will only be moved by an energy that’s better than the one she’s already experiencing; girls will go to the social energy
  • girls will reward good behaviour with a bit of physical attention

-> all these bevhaviours have in common that it get’s the guy reactive; it gives you the feeling that if you don’t keep her in a good emotional state and satisfy her needs, she will disappear

 

DVD 12:

  • how can you as a guy do this in return, masculine polarity?

-> first of all you have to understand that she wants to play the game of trying to get you to be reactive (that’s her fun)

(1) flipping the script: like rewarding the girl with a bit of physical attention, than pulling it away; looking like you’re having fun in the energy of the environment, and maybe giving her a bit of attention

(2) being at home in the environment: „this is my house and everybody here is my friend“, you’re approaching her as if you’re already friends in some way

(3) carring yourself with total confidence, even a playful cockyness: being the grounding energy and asserting that what you have to say is funny, interesting and worth being heard

(4) leading the conversation in the fun, or whatever direction you want it to go

(5) not responding to nonsense, not justifying yourself and not obeying

(6) positioning yourself as already chosen by every girl in the environment and you are choosing the girl you like: you see what you want and you take it, you’re giving her a chance to speak

-> you grab her and say:“Hey, who are you?“, being the selector, you see what she’s about; on some level, she knows that you can just go and get another girl, she’s challenged by the fact that you’re so indifferent to social constraints that if she doesn’t hold your attention you might stray

  • woman want to feel a range of emotions

-> they can draw their state off of the environment

  • as a man, you can’t draw your state from the environment (because it’s too volatile); you have to draw state from within yourself (self-generated)

-> you can feel good independently, you don’t need to keep looking at your environment to give you the instant gratification and never-ending stimulation in order to feel good (Open Focus)

-> the stimulation can get you focused on the „petty little“ me, like how do I fit in here?; but if you slow it down, your perception dilates and you see the depth of things more and you’re more connected to your higher-self (than you stay naturally uneffected and unreactive), you’re not the doer, it’s just happening through you

-> that’s where the male polarity comes from

-> you’re not going to find that energy to be in state by trying to feed off of other people’s reactions, it has to come from within yourself

-> social conditioning disconnects you from that higher self and the depth, and gets you only focused on the surface (your perception is contracted to:“what do people think of me“, „how does this effect me“ etc.)

  • most guys try to draw state from her reactions (looking for IOIs), you want it to come from within yourself
  • when a girl is with you, she’s initially giving you the congruence test and seeing if you’re holding your state. At some point during the interaction, the girl will fully withdraw her IOIs, so that there is no conceivable way that if you’re drawing state from the environment, you could hold your state

-> that’s why the best guys don’t read IOIs, their state holds regardless of it

  • in order to achieve male polarity, most guys in the community do 2 „button-pushy“ things: (1) entertain her (by talking about topics she likes) and (2) disrupt her reality of being a hot girl, „the push“, so she wants to reassert her reality by getting you to respond the way she wants

-> the line „you and I would never get along“ or going for a quick make-out (fun, high-energy walk-up, than saying some entertaining stuff, joking around and than keep pushing her away both verbally and physically „you’re crazy, uncross your arms, go, go, what am I going to do with you“ etc.) work because it’s disrupting her reality of being a hot girl

-> the pitfall is that it normally doesn’t last that long, because you always have to push buttons; there’s no depth to it

 

DVD 13:

  • how do you get to a point, where you don’t have to think, but it just happens through you (walking up to a girl with nothing in your mind)?

-> your mindset: what you say is valuable, purely because it comes from you; what you have to say is interesting, not because of the content, but because she’s interested in what you find interesting

-> also: let’s see if she’s cool, let’s expand out the party

-> when you approach a woman and you’re not thinking a step ahead, and she can sense that you’re just feeling good in your own body, she will be intrigued because it’s cocky (edge of cockiness, youthful masculinity) / you should also stay with the tension and don’t diffuse it

-> no value-taking, validation-needing behaviour, rather a „i see and i take“ child-like attitude

-> you have fun with her, challenge her, let her play and discover what holds your attention and where your boundries are

-> when the girl is speaking to you, you shouldn’t be thinking of what to say next; the actual words she’s speaking, you shouldn’t judge them, interpret them, compare them, label them, just listen to the sound of her voice, her energy and vibe and let her finish

-> when she has finished, you’re feeling the „aftereffects“ of what she has said and ponder about it, not trying to fill the silence and not retreating into your mind, just looking at her and let the sexual tension and anticipation build (you’re staying with the tension, not resisting it), experiencing reality head-on

  • as a man, you’re responsible for yourself; your main responsibility above all else is holding your awareness where it’s useful

-> most people are constantly playing imaginery movies in their mind about past events or possible future scenarios and don’t know how to be present to what’s directly in front of them (The Power of Now)

-> most guys approach women with all sorts of crazy future projections stuck up in their heads, be in the moment

  • resistance shows itself in people whining and complaining about things, the mindset that if you blame or get upset about things, that that will fix the problem

-> you should be the kind of man who has a low tolerance for resistance, that’s why you should be in the moment

  • a lot of times, being successful with women means stopping getting in your own way. Like not allowing your awareness of the moment to go into future scenarios (to be tugged with by frustration and fear, that once you allow inside take over and loop your mind endlessly around thoughts that are useless and draining) and thinking: „what if she rejects me“
  • to be fully present means: your focus is on the moment you’re in, your faculties are not spread too thin by focusing on past or future events, you melt into the moment rather than struggling against it, you have full trust in your faculties to carry you forward as issues come up and the moment unfolds

-> you experience life more vividly because you’re free of all the distracting, useless noise who’s only purpose is to pull you down

-> it’s a „take-things-as-they-come“ type attitude, you know that your mind will be presented with the right course of action when, and only when, you need it

 

DVD 14:

  • it all comes down to a deep- rooted trust in yourself, trust in the „autopilot“ that takes care of it

-> you’re not thinking a step ahead, because you know/trust that the right thing to say will be there (because you’re in the moment, and the faculties are there for you)

-> you don’t think of the words, you will allow them to arise

-> anytime you’re nervous or concerned, just say that one word to yourself:“trust“

  • Ayn Rand: Fountainhead, Atlas Shrugged
  • walking through the world with ease: core confidence, having a strong reality, acting through your own intentions, masculine polarity, being present, all combined

-> you’re not above nor below the world, you’re just a part of the whole

-> go with the flow of the world, not against it

  • there is a foundation upon which the „fun“ (for example you’re having in a nightclub) is built, that’s why most people can let loose properly

-> most people build the foundation on external factors (what they look like, who their friends are), but you don’t have to, you can just be a guy and melt into the moment

  • self-forgetting: conscious, not self-conscious

————-

  • internalization
  • success barrier/fear of success: you think you want success, but your mind has put blocks up to stop you from getting it (fear of having your reality overhauled)

-> guys talk all day about how great it would be to have success with women, but if you tell them let’s make a point A to B plan on how to do this, most guys are not going to do it

  • as far as your mind is concerned, if your view of reality has kept you alive for this long, it’s easier to bury itself deeper into the existing reality, than dealing with the headaches of  thinking through a potentially harder to understand, more complex view of reality
  • consequences of a new reality: a nauseous feeling that you’re going backwards in your understanding of your world; an instinct that people might not accept the new you
  • whenever you decide that your reality may not be what you think it is, that puts you into disarray, so your social status lowers usually (because you’re less certain of yourself)

-> that’s why people cling onto their reality and ignore outside imput

 

DVD 15:

  • strength of your reality: how firm you are in your beliefs, how strong that rock-solid sense of certainty draws other people into your world
  • the „third guy“: neither delusionally-confident and with unshakable state, nor too socially-calibrated and depending on the girl’s reaction to maintain state , the third guy recognizes the social feedback, but he doesn’t focus on it and deems it irrelevant, so he can hold state and calibrate to a certain extent
  • the danger of having a rigid belief system is that it can crumble if there is too much proof against it, that’s why it’s better to have a solid yet flexible belief system
  • reordering perception to preserve the map: people cling onto their concept of reality, their „map“; but every concept you have of your reality is still just a concept, „the map is not the territory“, having a map is fine but you have to understand that it’s limited
  • factor for success: always focus on the positive things, forget the negative things immediately
  • see the best in yourself and see the best in other people

 

DVD 16:

  • enjoy the journey to your destination, even if it’s a difficult one; life is about moving towards that core-self and authenticity
  • anticipated responses/assumption: everybody has a certain reality of how they expect to be treated

->for example having it in your reality that you anticipate a positive response from a girl, being somebody who anticipates that people like them just for them

-> on the other hand, if you don’t anticipate good responses from people, you will generally try to qualify to them (approval-seeking)

-> a guy who’s good with women can use routines, stories etc., but it comes from a place of having fun, not of a place of lack

-> people are always doing things to cause their anticipated responses to come true,people always want to maintain their reality (that’s why often times a girl who doesn’t think of herself as attractive can be harder to approach than an attractive girl, because it’s against her anticipated responses), by looking through a lense

  • a guy who’s good with women knows how to create a self-fulfilling prophecy where women love him, he has positive beliefs and he know how to suck people into that reality

-> if you approach a girl and assume she’s friendly, there’s a high chance she will be (it’s almost like you’re talking to a friend)

  • you can shape other people by creating/framing your own reality of the situation (e.g. somebody tries to tool you and you laugh about it, then the other guy thinks he was just joking)

-> you don’t have to acknowledge anything that you don’t like in your reality; you only acknowledge the reality that you want, and then the self-fulfilling prophecy comes to exist

 

DVD 17:

  • mirco-behaviours: if you have a full belief that something will work, the self-fulfilling prophecy, the anticipated responses, fully assuming something, than you don’t have to worry about your mirco-behaviours
  • if a group has a certain energy level, than you want to either match it or go a little bit above it
  • flinching (doubting yourself), retreating into mind: the exact opposite of anticipated responses
  • you have to disconnect yourself from all these concepts when you go out
  • what makes imposing your reality/anticipated responses stronger more than anything else is the idea of offering value: you have to believe that women enjoy sex as much as men do, that you’re not tricking but offering value

-> if you’re coming from a mindset of being lower value than the girl, you’re going to retreat into your mind more often

-> you should have a high level of integrity as a person and know that you’re always offering value to the people you interact with, that’s going to allow you to come across very strong; the closer you come to your integrity, the bigger the pay-off

  • internalization: the process of trial & error that you have to go through to create an assumption that you never have to think about ever again
  • newbie’s paradox: in order to get that unwavering belief, you need to get reference experiences to believe it

-> you have to get to a point where (1) you fully assume that what you’re going to do is going to work, (2) you have to be totally indifferent to the odd times it doesn’t

-> newbies tend to have ego-defense mechanisms, where they don’t put their personality fully on the line, where they don’t fully assume something will work

  • for a newbie, it’s difficult to cultivate that full belief, but you can first cultivate a mentality of indifference, if you gather a lot of experience in the field
  • so rather than trying to be confident, try to cross the indifference threshold quickly (allow yourself to be indifferent of the outcome)

 

DVD 18:

  • you have to be the outside force that forces you out of the state of inertia („you are not your mind“)
  • when you’re totally unstifled, than you’re different than other people who are confined by their egos

-> unstifledness is most important

  • social vibing: a non-purposeful conversation, being logic is a vibe-breaker, let your thoughts flow, let amusing associations arise (you don’t get into your head and qualify yourself)
  • the 2 most important bearings that you have to trust:

-> girls can like you just for you: try walking up and talking to a girl and being in the moment and not thinking ahead, just allowing it to go in which direction it will go without striving for outcome

-> sex between a man and a woman is a natural consequence of chemistry and an inevitability

  • your mind needs those reference experiences that reinforce your new reality of abundance („this is easy, this is possible, all that social conditioning that said I couldn’t do it was wrong, all those limiting beliefs were wrong“)

-> at the end of the journey, after compiling a wealth of reference experiences, you want to get to your core-self. You become very centered, have incredible social calibration, have a whole new range of behaviours you can take part in

 

DVD 19:

  • whenever you’re operating through the ego, and you’re trying to seek a reaction in the other person to self-seek, that is taking value

-> value-giving is attractive, value-taking is repellent

  • instead of seeking a reaction, just try to self-amuse

-> you walk up and say things to pump your own state, say things that you find funny

  • your value as a man comes very much from you being connected to your power of being a man, you’re providing that centeredness for her (oak tree with a sqiurrel), you knowing who you are and not self-seeking in other people’s responses to you
  • rediscovering your self-esteem: getting over comparing yourself to other people, getting over finding your identity based on where you are on the „totem pole“, to feel good independently of other people’s reactions, to generate your own state from within

 

Field report (2) (17. March 2016)

Konnte heute 5 Mädchen ansprechen, obwohl ich am Anfang krasse Schwierigkeiten mit AA hatte. Ich habe kein Facebook/Nummer bekommen, aber zwischendurch hat es bei mir in gewisser Weise Klick gemacht. Ich habe mir zwei „Gedankenspiele“ überlegt, dir mir persönlich bei meiner AA als auch bei meiner Nervosität im Set geholfen haben.

(1) Das Leben ist ein Spiel: Als ich heute inmitten einer belebten Einkaufsstraße stand, und die vielen Menschen an mir vorbeilaufen sah, jeder mit sich beschäftigt, kam mir plötzlich der Gedanke, dass mir alle Möglichkeiten offen stehen. Ich kann tun was ich will. Ich gestalte meine Realität. Ich habe mir dann vorgestellt, wie in GTA durch die Straßen zu laufen. Als ein schönes Mädchen an mir vorbei lief, erschien in meinem gedanklichen HUD vor mir die Option:“Drück (A) zum Ansprechen“. Klingt kindisch, aber dieses Gedankenspiel hat mich dazu motiviert, ein umwerfendes Mädchen anzusprechen, ohne lange darüber nachzudenken. Also, das Ganze wie in GTA zu sehen hilft😉

(2) Einfach aufhören unsicher zu sein: Ich kann es nicht wirklich erklären, aber zwischendurch habe ich mir gesagt, dass ich jetzt aufhören werde im Set unsicher zu sein. Dass ich der Unsicherheit müde bin. Es sind ja nur Mädchen, mit denen ich rede. Es gibt keinen Grund, sich deswegen zu verstellen und unsichere Sachen zu sagen. Interessanterweise hat dieser eine Gedanke des Widerwillens der Unsicherheit unmittelbare Wirkung gezeigt, und ich habe im Set mit dem umwerfenden Mädchen keine groben Unsicherheiten gezeigt.

Eine dritte hilfreiche Sache, auf die ich im Internet gestoßen bin, ist es, das Leben bewusst unbequem zu leben. Dass man jede Situation, die potentiell für einen unangenehm sein könnte, als Möglichkeit sieht und sich hinein begibt.

 

Field report (1) (14. March 2016)

Der Tag fing heute erst mal vielversprechend an. Als ich in die U-Bahn zum Stadtzentrum eingestiegen bin, sehe ich 2 Sitzreihen vor mir ein süßes Mädchen. Sie guckt mich auch kurz an, wir halten aber keinen Augenkontakt. Ich denke mir, dass es ein bisschen komisch wäre, mich plötzlich neben sie zu setzen oder zu stellen und sie anzusprechen, deswegen steige ich 2 Stationen weiter mit ihr aus. Am Bahngleis läuft sie dann los, ich ihr hinterher, tippe ihr auf die Schulter und stelle mich vor sie. Meine AA war zwar gut kontrollierbar, im Set war ich dann doch nervös (erstes Set seit langem) und das kam besonders in meiner Stimme durch. Kein Hook.

Nach dem Mädchen war mein state zwar gestiegen, aber trotzdem habe ich es bis abends um 19:00 nicht mehr geschafft, ein weiteres Mädchen anzusprechen. Das lag zum einen daran, dass Montagvormittags nicht so viele Sets da waren und zum anderen habe ich auch ein paar Mal „geweaselt“. Ich bin irgendwie nicht ins Rollen gekommen.

Abends bin ich noch mal raus, weil ich unbedingt noch die 2 Sets machen wollte. Das zweite Set war dann ein Mädchen, das ganz gedankenversunken ihr Buch gelesen hat, während sie gelaufen ist. Ich habe sie einfach gefragt, welches Buch sie so vertieft liest und weil ich das Buch auch gelesen hatte, haben wir uns ein bisschen darüber unterhalten. Ich hab sie dann zum Schluss nach Facebook gefragt, sie meinte aber, dass sie keins hat und auch nicht so gerne persönlichen Daten weitergeben will. Fair enough.

Das dritte Mädchen habe ich dann mit dem Yad-Stop gestoppt, hab mich also vor sie gestellt, aber sie sah ziemlich müde aus und war auch nicht wirklich gesprächig. Mir war das dann auch egal, wenigstens hatte ich mich überwunden und 3 Mädchen angesprochen. Als ich dann in einem thailändischen Imbiss etwas zu Abend esse, fällt mir die Kellnerin auf, mit der ich immer wieder kurz Augenkontakt halte und die ein sehr nettes Lächeln hat. Ich denke mir, dass sie ein hübsches Mädchen ist, aber schon etwas zu alt für mich ist (habe sie auf 23+ einschätzen). Trotzdem stehe ich nach dem Essen auf, gehe zu ihr rüber als sie gerade das Besteck an einem Platz neu deckt, tippe ihr auf die Schulter und sage ihr:“Hey, ich wollte dir nur sagen, dass du ein echt nettes Lächeln hast.“ Ich habe mir dabei eigentlich nichts weiter gedacht. Es sollte nur ein einfaches Kompliment werden. Sie lächelt mich an und wir kommen ins Gespräch. Es stellt sich heraus, dass sie 16 ist. Zum Schluss addet sie mich auf Facebook.

Alles in allem bin ich froh, dass ich mich zumindest überwunden habe, denn der Anfang ist immer am schwierigsten.

Was ich gelernt habe:

  • Wenn das Mädchen etwas von sich aus sagt, dann lass sie reden. Wieso unterbrechen? Einfach zuhören und sie investieren lassen
  • Wenn du gerade erst angesprochen hast, dann halte unter allen Umständen den Augenkontakt                                                                                                                                                                -> ihn zu brechen zeugt von geringem Selbstbewusstsein
  • Mädchen sind zum Teil viel jünger als sie aussehen. Wenn du denkst, dass sie zu alt für dich ist: Sprich sie an und finde es definitiv heraus
  • Bei dem letzten Mädchen bin ich nach dem FB-Close direkt gegangen. Nach dem FB/Number-Close lieber noch 1-2 Minuten da bleiben und chit-chat reden.

Was ich morgen besser machen will:

  • mehr „fuck-it“ mentality: Im Moment bin ich noch zu sehr in meinem Kopf und überlege zu lange, ob ich approache oder nicht. Ich muss mehr impulsiv handeln. Nicht zu lange überlegen sondern einfach approachen
  • compliment-tease-opener: ….

 

Mein Plan (14. March 2016)

Mein Plan ist es ab heute jeden Tag rauszugehen, ohne Ausnahme bis zum 01.April. Die ersten Tage werde ich langsam meinen Vibe wieder aufbauen, in dem ich mit vielen verschiedenen Leute rede und einfach meinen Spaß habe. Generell achte ich auf:

  • die fundamentals: gute Körpersprache (nicht nach vorne lehnen, Hände aus den Taschen), gute Stimme/Artikulation (immer deutlich, mit Akzenten)
  • Vibe und positive Stimmung lassen sich innerlich kontrollieren: Vibe hängt nicht von meiner Umgebung, dem Wetter oder dem Klima draußen ab, sondern einzig und alleine von meinen Gedanken und meiner Einstellung. Ich kontrolliere das Wetter in meinem Kopf. Und wenn kein Vibe da ist, so werde ich so tun, als ob ich schon in guter Stimmung wäre, bis es wirklich so ist. Wenn ich ein Mädchen sehe, werde ich sie mit einem Lächeln ansprechen.

“Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are requiered for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual… Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude – the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are good in the chrysalis.”

  • traue dich Sachen: wenn du ein Mädchen siehst, das dir gut gefällt, aber es „schwierig“ ist sie anzusprechen, dann überwinde deine Ängste und mach es einfach. Je länger du wartest, desto schwieriger wird es. Also besser sofort als es hinauszuzögern. Und später kann ich dann darüber im Blog schreiben.

Mein erstes Ziel für heute ist es, 3 Mädchen anzusprechen. Das sollte ich in einem Tag schaffen. Ich bin gespannt, wie mein „field report“ heute Abend auf diesem Blog aussehen wird.

 

Game on (10. March 2016)

Alle Prüfungen sind geschrieben, zwischendurch bin ich sogar noch in eine schönere und angenehmere Gegend umgezogen. Ab jetzt werde ich mich wieder 100% mit Game beschäftigen. Als erstes muss ich meine eingerosteten Social Skills und meinen Vibe wieder aufbauen, und der beste Weg dafür ist es, einfach mit vielen verschiedenen Leuten zu reden, nicht nur Mädchen. Als eher intorvertierte Person fällt mir das nicht so leicht, aber ich sehe es einfach als Teil der Entwicklung.

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